The Mental Load is Real: Naming the Invisible Work of Parenthood
If you're constantly thinking about what everyone needs, what's missing, and what might fall through the cracks - you're not alone.
Understanding the Mental Load
The mental load is the invisible, relentless layer of cognitive labour that often sits squarely on the shoulders of parents. It's the planning, the remembering, the anticipating. It's noticing that the fridge is out of milk while preparing for tomorrow's client presentation.
And while this load is often invisible to others, it is deeply real, and deeply draining.
What Is the Mental Load, Really?
Coined more widely after a viral French comic, Emma, the mental load refers to the cognitive effort involved in managing a household and caring for others - it goes beyond the physical tasks themselves.
Unlike the visible aspects of parenting (making dinner, doing laundry), the mental load is about who's keeping track of what needs to be done. It's about ownership. And often, it's disproportionately carried by one parent, but not always.
The Invisible Work Includes:
  • Remembering important dates
  • Tracking household supplies
  • Managing children's schedules
  • Anticipating family needs
  • Coordinating logistics
Why It Matters for Working Parents
As working parents, we're not just managing two spheres - we're managing two systems of responsibility, each with its own mental ecosystem. When unacknowledged, the mental load can lead to:
Burnout
Constant mental juggling leads to emotional and physical exhaustion
Relationship strain
Imbalances in mental labour can create conflict between partners
Reduced capacity for presence
At work and home, divided attention diminishes quality engagement
And yet, awareness alone can be liberating.
How to Start Unloading the Load
Here are a few ways to begin naming and redistributing the mental load - at home and within yourself:
Name It Without Shame
Start conversations about what you're mentally holding. Use examples and be specific ("I'm the only one who knows when the school forms are due").
This isn't blaming - it's illuminating.
Write Down What's Unseen
Create a shared list of mental responsibilities (not just tasks).
You might be surprised how much you're managing.
Visibility is the first step toward equity.
Redistribute, Not Just Delegate
Delegation says: "Can you do this for me?" Redistribution says: "Can you take ownership of this category so I no longer have to manage it at all?"
That's the difference between short-term relief and long-term change.
Setting Boundaries With Compassion
At Work
It may mean saying to your team, "Hey - I need to log off by 6pm today"; that's it, no further over-explaining.
At Home
It might mean asking your partner to take over both the bedtime and remembering when it is PJ day at nursery.
Setting boundaries isn't selfish - it's necessary for your parenting and professional life. It helps drive focus. The key is approaching these conversations with compassion rather than frustration.
From One Parent to Another
You're not imagining it. The mental load is real - and you deserve support, not silence. Just because it's invisible doesn't mean it's insignificant.
Start by acknowledging what you're 'carrying'. Communicate transparently. Then, piece by piece, explore how to share the weight. It's ok to ask for help!
Redistributing the mental load is not just about personal relief - it's about creating more equitable family systems where responsibility is shared and everyone's capacity for presence is enhanced.
Quick Reflection
What's one invisible responsibility you've been carrying this week that no one sees? Take 2 minutes. Write it down. Say it out loud. Or text a friend. Let it be known.
Write It Down
Putting your invisible work on paper makes it tangible and validates your experience.
Say It Out Loud
Vocalizing what you carry helps others understand and creates space for change.
Share With Others
Connecting with friends about mental load builds community and reduces isolation.
This simple act of acknowledgment is your first step toward lightening the load.